By Ross Hendrickson
There’s a reason weddings usually quote 1 Corinthians 13 instead of something like, “Love is patient, even when your spouse forgets to take the trash out again.” Real love isn’t all poetry and roses. It’s showing up on Monday mornings when the laundry’s piled up and you’ve both had five hours of sleep. It’s forgiving over and over. It’s grace in motion. That’s the kind of love Christ modeled, and it’s the foundation of what makes marriage sacred.
I spent 30 years in ministry before becoming a couples therapist. I’ve seen the beauty, the breakdowns, the tearful reconciliations, and the hilarious moments that sneak in between. I’ve watched couples go from “for better or worse” to “what do you mean you didn’t pay that bill again?” And if ministry taught me anything, it’s that loving someone consistently over time is holy work.
Marriage mirrors the love Christ has for the Church. It sounds beautiful until you realize both the Church and its people can be a mess. Jesus doesn’t give up on us when we’re inconsistent, stubborn, or slow to listen. He leans in. And when we do the same for our spouse, we’re not just holding a relationship together. We’re living out the gospel in real time.
It’s not always dramatic. Sometimes love is incredibly ordinary. It’s filling up the gas tank when your spouse forgets. It’s folding towels the “wrong” way without starting a debate. It’s reaching across the bed when emotions are still raw. These quiet choices whisper, “I’m still choosing you.” And in their own way, they preach the gospel louder than any sermon ever could.
Grace isn’t always big and cinematic. More often, it’s choosing not to keep score. It’s apologizing before your pride says it’s time. It’s asking how you can help, even when your own tank feels empty.
In therapy, I often tell couples that conflict isn’t failure. It’s feedback. It’s like a dashboard light letting you know something needs attention. The question isn’t, “Why are we fighting?” but “What are we missing?” Conflict can become connection if we’re willing to lean in instead of pull away.
God often uses these moments not to punish us, but to refine us. And refinement? That is rarely comfortable. It is more like spiritual sandpaper. Irritating, uncomfortable, and completely necessary.
Prayer helps more than we sometimes give it credit for. Not just when things fall apart, but when you’re planning your week, feeling stretched thin, or trying to avoid snapping over something small. Ask God for clarity, compassion, and patience. And don’t forget to pray for laughter. A shared laugh has rescued more couples than any textbook ever could.
One couple I worked with hadn’t laughed together in months. During one session, the wife accidentally spilled coffee all over her husband’s notes. Instead of reacting with frustration, he smiled and said, “Well, there goes my master plan for grocery shopping.” They both burst into laughter. That moment cracked something open. Sometimes spilled coffee is the doorway to reconnection.
Marriage isn’t polished. It’s real. It’s packing lunches, cleaning up the dog’s latest accident, and disagreeing over how early is too early to leave for church. But these daily decisions, these repeated “yeses” to each other, are holy ground. That is ministry.
Scripture calls husbands to love like Christ. That means sacrificially, faithfully, and patiently. And wives are called to love with humility, strength, and grace. When both partners are trying to out-love each other, God has room to do something beautiful.
Growth doesn’t always come with fireworks. Sometimes it sneaks in quietly. You start to notice fewer harsh tones, quicker apologies, and more honest conversations. Slowly, steadily, you become more like Jesus. Not just toward your spouse, but toward everyone around you.
Loving like Christ shows up in the small things:
- Making coffee the way they like it
- Asking a hard question with a soft voice
- Holding hands when you don’t have the words
- Choosing patience when silence feels easier
- Going on that grocery run even if they forgot the list
These are the real sermons of marriage. Not spoken from a pulpit, but lived out in laundry rooms, minivans, and quiet reconciliations. In the rhythms of commitment, forgiveness, and shared purpose, love finds its voice.
So the next time your spouse drives you a little crazy, remember: this is ministry. This is sacred ground, disguised as a carpool lane, a messy kitchen, or a disagreement about vacation plans. This is where grace becomes real.
And if Jesus could feed five thousand with loaves and fish, I think you’ve got the grocery run covered.
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