By Ross Hendrickson

Think about how much time you spend thinking about work. Even when you are not at the office, work has a sneaky way of following you around. It shows up in your car ride home. It pops up while you are cooking dinner. It interrupts you while you are brushing your teeth at night. You replay conversations, plan tomorrow’s tasks, or worry about what you left undone. Why does this happen? Because work matters. You prioritize it, so your brain gives it constant attention.

Now here is the uncomfortable question. Does your marriage or relationship get the same mental space? If your spouse or partner is one of the most important people in your life, should they not occupy your thoughts more than a quarterly report or a grocery list? The truth is, many of us fall into the trap of giving our best energy to work, chores, or urgent deadlines, while our partner ends up with whatever is left over. Not because we love them less, but because we live reactively instead of intentionally.

Most of us wake up every day and immediately begin reacting. We react to the alarm. We react to the kids. We react to the emails waiting in our inbox. Our entire day can get swallowed by a long chain of reactions. By the time we crawl into bed, we realize we did not once stop to think, “How can I prioritize my spouse today?” Instead, we assume they will understand. We hope they know we care. We tell ourselves we will do better tomorrow.

The problem with reactive living is that it always pushes the most important things to the margins. Marriage cannot thrive on leftovers. A relationship will not grow if it only gets whatever crumbs of energy remain after everything else is done. That is why so many couples describe their marriage as “fine” but not fulfilling. They are surviving, not thriving.

Here is the principle: what we think about most is usually what we value most. If work dominates your thoughts, it is because you have decided it is important. If your fantasy football lineup crosses your mind more than your partner’s well-being, then that is a clue about where your priorities are tilted.

The good news is, priorities are not fixed. They can be reshaped with intentional practice. Imagine what would change if you gave your marriage the same level of attention you give to your career. If you carved out brain space for your partner throughout the day, you would begin to notice things you used to overlook. You would catch opportunities to encourage. You would anticipate needs before they had to be spoken. You would build a habit of connection instead of living with relational drift.

Prioritizing your partner does not always require huge gestures. In fact, most marriages are strengthened by the little things done consistently. Think about these small but powerful practices:

• Mental check-ins. Take thirty seconds during the day to ask yourself, “How is my spouse doing today?” That quick awareness may prompt you to send a short text, offer a prayer, or simply hold them in your thoughts.
• Protect intentional moments. Guard certain times of the day or week where your attention belongs fully to your partner. This could be a regular date night, a daily ten-minute conversation before bed, or morning coffee together before the rush begins.
• Show up with details. Remembering your spouse’s big presentation, checking in about their doctor’s appointment, or noticing their favorite snack is missing from the pantry are ways of saying, “I see you.”
• Presence over distraction. Sit on the couch without a phone between you. Listen without multitasking. When you give undivided attention, you communicate value louder than any words.

These acts might seem small, but they accumulate. They send a steady message: “You matter. You are my priority.”

And yes, this might mean remembering your spouse’s coffee order with more accuracy than you remember the Wi-Fi password. Let’s be honest, many of us can quote our Netflix login by heart, but somehow forget if our partner takes two sugars or one. Getting those little things right is not trivial… it is a form of love.

When your partner knows they are prioritized, communication gets easier. Connection feels more natural. Even conflict changes shape. Arguments lose some of their venom because there is a foundation of trust that you are for each other, not against each other. Misunderstandings shrink when both partners feel consistently seen and valued.

Think of it this way: you are already practicing prioritization. You are doing it with work, bills, and schedules. You are just not always doing it with your relationship. The more you intentionally choose to give your spouse mental and emotional space, the more likely you are to act in ways that protect and grow the marriage.

Many people wait for “more time” or “less stress” to start prioritizing their partner. The problem is, life never slows down on its own. If you wait for the perfect window of time, you will wait forever. Prioritization has to be a conscious decision, not a leftover after everything else is finished.

Think about your calendar. It reflects what you value. If you say your marriage is important but never set aside time for it, then your schedule is telling the real truth. One of the most effective steps you can take is to schedule your relationship with the same seriousness you schedule work. Put the date night in the calendar. Write down your anniversary. Protect time to talk. When it is on the schedule, it is harder to ignore.

If you do not take hold of your days, your days will take hold of you. The weeks will fill themselves with meetings, deadlines, errands, and endless tasks. Your marriage will be left to fight for scraps of attention. But when you intentionally carve out time and thought for your partner, you take ownership of your days. You are no longer living reactively but with purpose.

Think about weekends. How often do you reach Sunday night and wonder where the time went? Without intentional planning, weekends disappear into chores and distractions. But if you decide ahead of time that part of the weekend belongs to your partner, you change the rhythm. Even something as simple as a Saturday morning walk or a Sunday evening ritual of cooking dinner together can reframe the entire week.

I have seen this pattern not only in therapy but in my own life. There are seasons when my schedule screams louder than anything else. My attention gets hijacked by urgent responsibilities, and before I know it, days have passed where my marriage was more of a side note than the headline. It is easy to justify it by saying, “This week is just busy.” But the truth is, every week is busy. Prioritization is not about waiting for the perfect time. It is about choosing, even in the busy seasons, to let your spouse know they come first.

And here is the surprising part. When I do intentionally prioritize my spouse, the rest of life actually feels lighter. Work still gets done. Bills still get paid. The difference is, I am no longer running on fumes because my most important relationship is fueling me instead of draining me.

So here is your challenge for the week. Find one way every single day to put your partner at the top of your mental list. It does not have to be extravagant. It could be a note tucked into their lunch. It could be a phone call on your break. It could be bringing them coffee in the morning or sitting with them at night and asking one thoughtful question.

Do it on purpose. Let them feel that they are not just a part of your life but a priority in it. That shift in awareness can be the beginning of a stronger, more connected, and more joyf