By Ross Hendrickson

If you have ever watched a romantic comedy, you know the drill. Boy meets girl. Girl meets girl. Boy meets boy. Hollywood has thankfully started including more variety in its love stories. They lock eyes across a crowded room. There is playful banter, some quirky misunderstanding, and just when it seems like they will never end up together, they do. The music swells, the rain pours, they kiss passionately, and the screen fades to black.  The credits roll, we are smiling, and somewhere deep down, we think, “Yes, that is how love works.”  Except it is not.

Because what Hollywood does not show you is the part where one partner forgets to pick up milk three days in a row. Or the ongoing negotiations about thermostat settings. Or the moment when you are deciding if you will speak up about that thing they do that drives you crazy, or if you will just bite your tongue for the hundredth time.

They do not show you the season of life when you are working long hours, raising kids, and the two of you are so tired that even the idea of date night feels like a chore. They do not show you the moment when you look across the dinner table or the couch and think, What happened to us.

And they definitely do not show you how love, when left untended, can quietly slip into the background until it feels like it has faded away.  Movies are masters at emotional magic tricks. They take years of real life and condense it into two hours of emotional fireworks. They focus on the falling part because it is exciting. The butterflies, the late-night conversations, the thrill of discovering someone new. Those things make for great storytelling.

Here is the problem. When the only love stories we consume are the ones that end with happily ever after, we begin to believe that love is mostly about feelings. Either the feelings are there or they are not. Either the chemistry lasts forever, or it vanishes overnight.

This is where the phrase We just fell out of love creeps in. It makes love sound like something that happens to us without our participation. One day, you are in it. The next day, you are out of it. No explanation required.

In real life, love changes over time. That rush of early romance is not designed to last forever. The honeymoon phase eventually gives way to a deeper, steadier connection that is built on trust, shared history, and daily choices. This is not a downgrade. It is a transition into something that can be even more meaningful if we know how to tend it.

When people say they have fallen out of love, what they often mean is that the connection has become buried under stress, resentment, or neglect. It can also mean that old wounds have gone unaddressed and have started to shape the way partners see each other.

Love is more like a campfire than a lightning strike. A lightning strike is intense and unforgettable, but it is gone in an instant. A campfire gives warmth and light for as long as you feed it. Stop feeding it, and the fire will dim.

There are a few common reasons why love can start to feel distant:

Stress… Work deadlines, family responsibilities, health challenges, and financial pressures can drain our emotional energy. When we are running on empty, it is easy to disconnect from our partner without realizing it.

Resentment… Unresolved issues have a way of building up. Maybe it is that recurring argument about chores or that old hurt that never really got addressed. Over time, these can form a wall between partners.

Distraction… We live in a world filled with constant noise. Phones, social media, and never-ending to-do lists compete for our attention. It takes intention to prioritize connection when everything else feels urgent.

Unspoken Expectations… We all have a mental list of what love should look like. When our partner does not meet those unspoken expectations, we may start to feel disappointed or unloved without ever explaining what we actually need.

Here is the part they do not put on the big screen. Love is not just a feeling. It is a series of daily choices. It is an intentional decision to stay curious about your partner, to choose kindness over convenience, and to lean in rather than pull away when things get hard.

The real work of love happens in the unglamorous moments. It happens when you forgive even though it would be easier to stay resentful. It happens when you listen without planning your rebuttal. It happens when you plan a date night even though you are tired, because you know connection does not happen by accident.

Love thrives when we practice the habits that build it. That means making space for fun, vulnerability, and shared experiences. It also means showing grace when your partner has an off day, because sooner or later, you will have one too.

If your relationship feels like it has lost its spark, here are a few simple practices you can try this week:

1. Create a daily ritual
It can be as small as a six-second kiss before leaving for work or a short check-in at the end of the day. The goal is to have something that says, You matter to me, every single day.

2. Practice curiosity
Ask your partner a question you have never asked before. It might be about their dreams, their memories, or what they would do if they could relive one day of their life.

3. Do one act of service with no strings attached
Make them coffee, run an errand they hate, or fold the laundry before they ask. Do it simply because you want to add to their day.

4. Plan a Hollywood rewrite date night
Take one of those romantic movie scenes and recreate it in your own way. You might not have a Paris backdrop or a full orchestra, but you can create a moment that feels special and just for the two of you.

Falling out of love is rarely about the sudden disappearance of feelings. It is usually about the slow erosion of connection. The good news is that the connection can be rebuilt. Love is not something you passively fall into or out of. It is something you build and rebuild over time. It requires both partners to show up, to be honest, and to keep choosing each other even when life gets messy.

When you hear the phrase We just fell out of love, you are usually hearing the end of a longer story. What you are not hearing are the moments when the relationship could have been steered back toward connection. The problem is not that the love is gone. The problem is that it has been left unattended.

The real secret that Hollywood forgets to mention is that love is less about fate and more about faithfulness. It is faithfulness in the small moments. Faithfulness in listening. Faithfulness in believing the best about each other, even when it is tempting to assume the worst.

If your relationship feels distant right now, take it as a signal, not a sentence. The spark can be reignited. The connection can be restored. The story is still being written. Love is not a scene that fades to black after the kiss. It is an unfolding story that is richer, deeper, and more beautiful when both people keep showing up to write the next chapter together.