By Ross Hendrickson
Let me just say it up front. I love Buc-ee’s.
If, for some reason, you are reading this and you’re not from Texas or have never had the joy of cruising down a long stretch of highway only to be greeted by a giant smiling beaver on a billboard promising snacks, clean bathrooms, and fresh coffee, then you might not fully understand. But for those of us who know, Buc-ee’s isn’t just a gas station. It’s an experience. A lifestyle. A place of peace and cheddar nuggets.
When I hit the road, there is something oddly comforting about knowing that at some point, I’ll be pulling over at Buc-ee’s. I don’t even check to see if I need gas. It’s not about fuel. It’s about what’s waiting inside. Coffee. All the creamers and flavors I could ever want. Hot breakfast burritos the size of my forearm. Those cheddar nuggets that are basically deep-fried joy. And don’t even get me started on the apple pies that get slipped into a little to-go sack like a warm hug in pastry form.
Buc-ee’s is open. Always. It has everything for everyone. And somehow, it never seems to run out. Which brings me to this strange realization…. a lot of us are walking through life trying to be Buc-ee’s.
We want to be available for our spouses. Our kids. Our parents. Our boss. Our friends. The group chat. The PTO meeting. The neighbor who always “just has a quick question.” We stock ourselves with kindness and keep the shelves full of support, encouragement, time, energy, and attention. We smile. We nod. We say yes. We try to be everything for everyone. And we try to never close.
But we’re not Buc-ee’s. We’re human. We need rest. We need space. We need permission to not be open for business all the time. This is where boundaries come in.
Boundaries are not walls. They are not a shutdown. They are not cold or mean or selfish. Boundaries are fences with gates. They protect what matters most while still allowing connection. They give us the ability to say, “This is where I end and someone else begins.” They allow us to be present with others without losing ourselves in the process.
Let’s start where it matters most for many of us… marriage. In a healthy relationship, two people don’t morph into one blob of shared stress and blurry preferences. There’s connection, yes. But there’s also differentiation. You’re still you. Your partner is still them. And the strength of the relationship often comes down to how well you honor each other’s humanity.
You’re allowed to have a different opinion. You’re allowed to need alone time. You’re allowed to say, “I love you, but I need five minutes in the other room without being asked about dinner, the trash, or what I think about the new neighbor’s mailbox.”
Boundaries in marriage aren’t about creating distance. They’re about creating clarity. When couples struggle, it’s often because one or both partners have started living without personal limits. Maybe one person is the fixer, constantly managing everyone’s emotions. Maybe the other is always retreating because they feel like they’re never doing enough. Resentment builds. Communication breaks down. And suddenly two people who love each other feel completely disconnected.
Healthy marital boundaries might sound like:
– “I want to be there for you, but I also need time to recharge after work.”
– “I’m happy to talk about this, but can we set aside a time so we’re both present and not distracted?”
– “I love being together, but I also need space for my own friendships and hobbies.”
These are not signs of trouble. These are signs of maturity. Boundaries make relationships safer, not scarier. Marriage might be the most intimate place boundaries show up, but it is definitely not the only one. Think about all the other roles you juggle in a week. Child. Sibling. Parent. Friend. Employee. Church member. Volunteer. Group text responder. Birthday party RSVP-er. You name it.
Without boundaries, every one of those roles can start to take more than you have to give. You can love your parents and still not want to talk to them five times a day. You can be a great friend and still say no to a last-minute night out when your tank is empty. You can be a supportive coworker and still close your laptop at 5:00.
Boundaries with family might mean clarifying what topics are off-limits. Boundaries with friends might mean not always being the one to reach out first. Boundaries with work might mean turning off notifications after hours and not feeling guilty about it. Even in good relationships, people will take what you offer. It’s your job to decide what you’re offering, when, and how often.
That’s not selfish. That’s sustainable.
Let’s clear up a few myths, because this is where people start to squirm. Boundaries are not about shutting people out. They are not about controlling others. They are not ultimatums dressed up in therapy terms. Boundaries are simply about ownership. This is what I’m responsible for. This is what I’m not. This is what I can give. This is what I cannot. Boundaries are not the same as disconnection. In fact, they are what make connection possible without burning out. They are not cold. They are not rude. They are not passive-aggressive. They are not ghosting, avoiding, or shaming someone into change.
Boundaries are more like, “Hey, I really care about this relationship. Which is why I’m telling you what I can handle and what I can’t.” That’s honest. That’s loving. And that’s healthy. The key image here is not a wall… It’s a fence – with a gate.
You decide who comes in and when. You decide how much of yourself you give to a person or a situation. You don’t shut everyone out. But you also don’t leave the door wide open with a neon sign that says, “Come on in and drain me emotionally!”
Start small. Here are a few phrases you can keep in your back pocket:
– “I appreciate the invite, but I can’t this time.”
– “I need some space to process before I respond.”
– “I’m not available right now, but I’d love to connect later.”
– “It sounds like you’re going through a lot. I’m not sure I’m the best person to help, but I can support you in finding someone who is.”
You don’t need a full script. Just permission to speak your truth clearly and kindly. In marriage, sit down and talk about boundaries like grown-ups. What helps each of you feel safe? How do you handle in-laws, social events, finances, alone time, and rest? Where do you need clearer expectations or more mutual respect?
Boundaries only work if you communicate them. They fall apart when you expect people to just “get it.” The truth is, most of us were not taught how to do this well. We were taught to be polite. To be agreeable. To not upset anyone. To be helpful, available, and selfless.
But here’s the thing. You’re not a doormat. You’re not a vending machine. And you’re definitely not Buc-ee’s. You can’t be everything for everyone all the time. You were never meant to be. Boundaries give you room to breathe. They create the space for healthy relationships to flourish. They help you show up fully without losing yourself in the process.
So build that fence. Add a gate. Keep your favorite people close, but don’t forget you have every right to close the shop when needed. Even Buc-ee’s has a stockroom. Even Buc-ee’s restsock the shelves. You should too.
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